Big-P vs Small-p Purpose

“Rabia had spent years caring for and supporting her big family. Her three daughters went to college, and her husband retired. Rabia left her job as a university English professor and devoted herself to something she had always loved: writing stories for small children. She weaved stories around life skills for children. Each day, in her busy condominium, Rabia would write. She would publish one story every day on her own chosen online platform. Her favorite moment came each afternoon, when she clicked publish and saw her story on the web, believing it helped every child and parent who read it.  Rabia died of breast cancer. During her last moments, she was working on short stories every afternoon. Up until her very last moments, Rabia was doing something deeply meaningful to her.”

“It reflects something I’ve come to believe deeply: Purpose is not some grand achievement. It’s often found in the everyday things we love.”

Rabia didn’t set out to live a grand or heroic life. She simply followed what gave her joy, and in doing so, wrote stories helping children and families. She reminds us that purpose isn’t just for the young, the ambitious, or the accomplished. It’s for all of us at every age and stage.

"Big P" Purpose refers to grand, life-defining, or world-changing goals (e.g., becoming a doctor, curing a disease, building an empire) that focus on outcomes.

It is Outcome-driven, future-oriented, and often tied to societal validation. It can be inspiring.

This can lead to anxiety, burnout, or frustration.

Conversely,

“Small p” Purpose is daily, process-oriented, and accessible, focusing on personal joy, helping others, and finding meaning in everyday tasks and connections.

It is path-oriented, daily, and manageable; it is about passion, presence, and making a difference in the immediate moment. Focusing on small purposes offers a more sustainable, joyful, and attainable way to live a meaningful life. It encourages finding purpose in being a good parent, a diligent worker, or a caring friend.

Rabia’s “small p”, helped her during retirement and also gave her peace and contentment during her tough phase of breast cancer.

Why is having a purpose important?

According to a study at Harvard University's Human Flourishing Program,

Job burnout, an empty nest, retirement, the loss of a partner — any one of those can lead you to feel like you've lost your sense of purpose or reason to get up every morning. It's a common experience, especially as we get older. "When you lose something that's shaped you, it's a threat to your identity, and you wonder who you are without it.” The question is — will you do anything about it, or will you languish in a void? Your response could affect your health. Also, the question is, are you at the stage facing a big P or a small P? While Big P needs planning and effort, small P’s can be easily woven into a lifestyle.

Health benefits of having purpose

Having a sense of purpose is linked to sharper memory and thinking skills, better mood regulation, lower risks of chronic diseases and disability, and increased longevity. Several studies indicate that, compared to individuals without a sense of purpose, those who do tend to perceive stressors as less challenging and handle stress more effectively. This attitude might help them avoid some of the physiological impacts of chronic stress that can lead to heart attack, stroke, and premature death.

Here are five guiding principles that I’ve seen help people find and live out their sense of purpose:

 1: Love the Process

Rabia’s story reveals a critical distinction between what I call Big P Purpose (the grand, goal-driven kind) and Little p purpose (the kind we can live every day). Big P Purpose often comes with anxiety and pressure. Little p purpose, on the other hand, is about the joy of doing. Rabia didn’t write a story to get professionally published; she wrote because she loved the act itself.

To find more Ask friends, family, and your partner what comes to mind when they think of you. Do they find you entertaining, compassionate, or artistic? Use their feedback to think about how you can apply these attributes in a way that would give meaning to your life and the lives of others.

2: Purpose should be process and not destination

Many people assume purpose is only valid if it leads to measurable success. You must climb a mountain or win an award. But the real purpose isn’t about the destination. It’s about spending more time in those moments when you’re so engaged that time slips away.

There are many needs on this planet, and people will prioritize different ones. Are you concerned about world hunger? Climate change? Injustice? Identify a cause that's meaningful to you and think about how you could help. "There are probably a million needs in your community that aren't being met. Maybe some of those needs require your skill set," Lee says.

3: There Are No Rules

Purpose doesn’t have to be lifelong, world-changing, or even particularly serious. It can last a season. It can be personal. Rabia’s purpose once looked like teaching, and later it became writing.

Purpose can be public or private. Quiet or loud. What matters is that it feels alive to you.

People often cite the encouragement and wisdom they've obtained from others who took the time to care about their careers. "A mentoring relationship is a caring one that enables us to give and receive love," Lee says. "Reciprocal, caring relationships are often what's missing as we get older."

4: It is okay to have many purposes

One of the most limiting beliefs I hear is that each of us has a single “true” purpose. But people are rarely one-dimensional. It’s OK to have many passions, many lights.

Rabia didn’t just write poetry; she also loved board games. She spent countless evenings with friends from her building, laughing around the game table. Your purpose doesn’t need to be monogamous. Let it be wide.

Purpose changes as you age. Think about what was at different points in your life, particularly during key transitions. Are there people you admire? Can you do something similar?

5: Let Purpose Connect You

Purpose doesn’t need to be solitary. When you pursue something that lights you up, others will be drawn to that energy. Purpose becomes a magnet for connection. Your collaborators, mentors, and friends are waiting.

Read Viktor Frankl's book Man’s Search for Meaning in life. It's a quick, easy read that's been helping people for decades. Frankl noticed in Nazi death camps that people who were generous, connected with others, and found meaningful ways to support others were more vital and survived longer. They found a way to relate to each other in a loving way, and there was purpose in doing so. It may inspire you,"