Tending to your Memory Garden

Many animals have memory, but how humans utilize memory, alongside other cognitive skills, distinguishes us in important ways. Human memory goes beyond a simple survival tool; it is closely linked to our capacity for abstract thinking, communication, and self-reflection, for making human life better. This advanced memory, the researchers believe, is one of the most incredible products of evolution. We may not give our memory much thought in day-to-day life; however, when combined with language and creativity, we can use this tool to improve our lives.

Memories are a key part of your identity and give your life meaning.

"Tending to your memories" means actively engaging with your past to cherish positive moments and work through difficult ones. It's not about erasing memories but understanding their influence and incorporating them into your current story. It is about treating memories like plants in a garden, and you, as a gardener, nourish them so they can grow and reap benefits. To hold onto them, you must intentionally revisit and reinforce them. 

Memories are powerful and flexible

Psychological science offers a greater understanding and says that we reap considerable benefits from our malleable memory systems; we can update our memories as we go, taking new information on board and correcting misperceptions. As well as reconstructing our past, we use our memory frameworks to envision possible future scenarios or alternative histories.

Choosing your memories

Evolutionary science suggests that humans are more likely to remember highly charged events, as the brain tends to remember scary or traumatic experiences over happy ones. This is your psyche’s way of protecting you from future dangers. It is possible—and important—to also encode happy memories in your brain with the same intensity, which requires a constant intentional effort until it becomes a habit.

“At our mealtimes, I try to bring to the table happy memoirs. I recall how my son babbled during infancy, led his playmates during play, and how he cutely slipped out of the stage during a school performance. I excitedly discuss how my daughter played with her noodles, dipped her head into the water bucket, and danced merrily before falling asleep. These moments are priceless, as I see joy on my kids' faces and a sense of relaxation among us. Surely, I have a choice to bring up these happy memories or the bad ones. I choose the good ones, the ones that bring us joy.”

Tips to tend to your memories:

Preserve positive memories:

• Intentional active recall: Every time you recall a memory, you reinforce the neural pathways connected to it. Actively revisiting happy moments helps solidify them in your mind, making them more lasting.

• Engage multisensory cues: Smell, sound, and touch are strong cues for recalling memories. For example, viewing old photos or videos, listening to a nostalgic song, or cooking a childhood meal can evoke intense emotional memories.

• Create traditions: Establishing repeatable rituals around weekends, holidays, and birthdays helps create a sense of continuity and builds a repertoire of shared experiences.

• Document and share your stories: Keep a journal, create a photo album, or write down your feelings, thoughts, and reflections to help preserve the richness of a moment.

• Be present: Stay fully present by removing distractions and immersing yourself in the experience. The more engaged you are, the more vivid the memory will become. 

Process negative ones

• Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness instead of criticism for struggling with painful memories. Acknowledge your feelings and understand that healing takes time.

• Reframing: Reflect on what you've learned from a challenging experience. Recognizing the wisdom gained can alter the emotional impact of the memory and reduce its pain. Additionally, consider the positive outcomes that arose despite the difficulty..

  Seek professional help for trauma: A therapist can create a safe space for you to work through the experience using effective methods such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).