Attachment series: 2. Attachment disco dance with your kids

“Singing and cooing, sing-song sentences, naming objects, and bringing them to your baby. Intentional eye contact, being musical, cradling, twinkling eyes, naughty smile, hide-and-seek, sideways glance, babyish noises, spontaneous laughter”.

We all do this with our little babies, encouraging them to enjoy the world and each other. Disco is more than just a dance; it’s an emotion! This style lets you relax, forget your problems, and just dance your heart out, connecting with others… just what we do with our babies, like above.

Attachment disco dancing involves interacting with someone you care about by responding to subtle cues such as tone of voice, facial expressions, and gaze. Both of you make small adjustments to remain in sync, often achieving a limbic resonance state where you co-regulate and influence each other’s body-mind states. This dance demands deep attunement and connection, especially between caregivers and children, nurturing a secure relationship. The way you participate in this dance and the emotional bond you share both affect how your child interacts with others.

Over time, although children grow and go through different developmental stages, their need for sensitivity and responsiveness from trusted caregivers remains constant. Children still require us to engage in the attachment dance—attention and connection. Whether as young children, adolescents, or adults, our fundamental need to connect is innate, and when attachment relationships are nurtured well, humans flourish. As your child matures, interactions will evolve, but they remain just as bonding and comforting for both of you. However, we often stop performing this dance with our adult kids.

Psychological research indicates that children who receive consistent, sensitive caregiving from their caregivers early in life gain significant advantages in their future emotional, academic, and social development. Studies also demonstrate that attachment security during adolescence affects development in the same way as in early childhood. The key takeaway: maintain strong attachment relationships with kids, even during their teenage years.

How to begin attachment disco with your grown-up kids-

1.     Take delight: Show love by taking time to know their evolving likes, dislikes, fears, hopes, conflicts, and accomplishments. set aside our fears for them in that moment and just be with them. This includes lists of their humor, strengths, and gifts.

2.      Ask with curiosity and validate: Don't judge or assume you know what's wrong. Validate your teens’ feelings to help them accept and express emotions safely. For example, say, “It’s understandable you’re angry, I would be too,” “Thanks for sharing, it's hard to share when sad,” or “Sorry you’re stressed, I would feel that way too. Let’s see if we can help.”

3.     Make eye contact, mirror expressions, and body language: Maintaining eye contact, nods, concern, or smiles show you're paying attention. Use natural body language to make your child feel valued and show you care. Even without words, you communicate that you're listening and that your adolescent's words matter.

4.     Meet them where they are- Do not try to change them but understand them in their current state of being. Teenagers do not like being manipulated; they like being listened to and accepted

5.     Share information about yourself and seek opportunities to establish connections and identify

common interests. Ask your child about their opinions, views, and perspectives to better understand their feelings.